Thursday, June 30, 2005

Men's Rules

As a Pastor I have the privilege of writing an article in the school newsletter once a month.

In the last one I began exploring the gender divide and referred to an email I received on the subject of Men's Rules. I only put in some of the rules so here is the email in full.
  • Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.
  • Sunday = sports. It's like the full moon or changing of the tides. Let it be
  • Shopping is not a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.
  • Crying is blackmail
  • Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints don't work! Strong hints don't work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!!
  • Yes and no are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.
  • Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what girlfriends are for.
  • A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor
  • Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact all comments become null and void after 7 days.
  • If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girl's, don't expect us to act like a soap opera guy.
  • If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask (Harsh!! )
  • If something we said can be interpreted 2 ways, and one of the ways makes you feel sad or angry, we meant the other way.
  • You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.
  • Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during the commercial.
  • Christopher Columbus didn't need directions and neither do we.
  • ALL men see in only 16 colours, like Windows default settings. Peach is a fruit, not a colour. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.
  • If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.
  • If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing", we will act like nothing is wrong. We know you are lying, but it's not worth the hassle.
  • If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect and answer you don't want to hear.
  • When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine. Really
  • Don't ask us what we are thinking unless you want to talk about sport, the shotgun formation or monster trucks.
  • You have enough clothes
  • You have too many shoes
  • I am in shape. Round is a shape
  • Thank you for reading this

Yes I know I am sleeping on the couch tonight, but did you know men really don't mind, it's like camping.

So there it is the complete list. Feel free to argue, disagree or agree, comment on the list. I would love to hear your responses.



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fester said...

G'Day. i'm the "wonderful man" revem is married to. I found this entry to be very funny, possibly due to the ellements of truth and the reflection of my own personallity and 'blokeness'. Just goes to show how patient she is. Luv u honey. Fester.